The graveside committal: what happens, and in what order

From the hearse to the graveside

When the hearse arrives at the cemetery, the pallbearers — often the sons, brothers, nephews and close friends named beforehand — carry or wheel the coffin to the grave. The family walks directly behind, the minister or elder ahead, and the pace is slow. There is no need to fill the silence. At many South African cemeteries a small tent or gazebo stands over the grave with chairs for the closest family; take these seats when the usher shows you. Everyone else gathers around, leaving room at the graveside for the coffin and the family.

The words of committal

The minister, priest or family elder leads the committal — the short set of words said as the body is returned to the earth. In a Christian service you will hear a version of 'we commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust,' followed by a prayer and often the grace. It is brief by design. One or two people may be asked to read a verse or say a line, but the graveside is not the place for long speeches — those belong to the service before, at the church or the home. If you have been asked to speak here, keep it to a minute.

The lowering, and the first handful of soil

The coffin is lowered on straps by the funeral staff and pallbearers, steadily and together. This is often the hardest moment; it is normal to weep, and normal to look away. In many families the minister or the eldest present drops the first handful of soil onto the coffin, and close family follow, each letting a little earth fall. In much of South Africa the men of the family then take up the spades and fill the grave completely while the choir sings, rather than leave it open — a final act of doing right by the person. You are not expected to hurry any of it.

The closing hymn and blessing

A hymn usually carries the moment while the grave is filled and the mound is shaped and covered — often something the family knows by heart, so no one needs to read. 'Nearer, My God, to Thee', 'Abide with Me', or a Xhosa or Zulu hymn the church has sung for years all serve well. The minister closes with a blessing or the grace, and sometimes a final prayer at the graveside. When the singing settles, the committal is over. The programme usually prints the hymn words in full so that everyone standing at the back can join in without fumbling.

Laying the wreaths — family first, then outward

Once the grave is closed and the mound shaped, the flowers and wreaths are laid on top. The order runs from the closest family outward, so the nearest tributes rest nearest the person, and a funeral director or usher guides people forward a few at a time to keep it calm. There is no rush and no need to jostle; everyone who has brought flowers will get their turn. The usual order runs like this:

• The spouse or partner lays their wreath first, then children, then grandchildren.
• Parents and siblings follow, then the wider family — aunts, uncles and cousins.
• Church members, work colleagues, neighbours and friends come after the family.
• Cards are usually tucked into the wreaths; keep them safe, as the family reads them later.
• If mobility is a problem, hand your flowers to an usher to place on your behalf.

How long it takes, and what the programme lists

The graveside portion is short — count on ten to twenty minutes, a little longer if the family fills the grave by hand or if several people speak. The programme, the order of service booklet, usually sets out the graveside plainly so mourners know what is coming next and can follow along. If you are still putting the booklet together in our programme editor, the list below is a reliable order to follow:

• The procession to the graveside
• A scripture reading or few words of committal, and who leads them
• The committal prayer
• The closing hymn, with its words printed in full
• The blessing or the grace
• The laying of wreaths
• Details of the meal to follow, with the address and simple directions

Rain plans, and the return for the meal

Rain rarely stops a burial. The tent over the grave keeps the closest family dry; everyone else brings umbrellas, and the service simply carries on, a little shorter. If the ground is very wet, leave the lowering and filling to the funeral staff, who manage it every week. Afterwards, family and mourners return to the family home or a church hall for a meal. In many South African homes there is a basin of water at the gate to wash your hands before you go inside — a way of leaving the cemetery behind you. The programme should print the address and, if the meal is elsewhere, simple directions for those following by taxi or car.